Choices and Consequences

Providing children choices for their behavior and consequences for those choices is an excellent technique to help children manage their own behavior. When using choices and consequences, first state the options children have and then the consequences for each of those options. Some examples are:

• "Children, you can either choose to play nicely together and share your toys, or you may choose to fight. If you choose to fight, both of you will have to take a quiet time-­out.

• "Mary, I expect you to use good table manners to eat your dinner at the table. IF you continue to act silly, you will have to leave the table. It's your choice."
  
  

Some important points to remember when using choices and consequences:

• Never use threats as choices. (Example - "If you don't leave your sister alone, I'm gonna break your neck!") Parents either can't carry threats through or don't want to.
  
• Never give ultimatums as choices. (Example - "I'll never talk to you again if you don't shut up!") Ultimatums can rarely be carried through and soon children learn your words are hot air.
  
• Never give choices when there aren't any. (Example- "Son, would you like to get your coat on now. We have to go!") If the child answers "no," but he really has to get his coat on anyway, he never really had a choice.
  
  

Consequences must be related to the behavior you wish to increase or decrease.